not an island

Kusuo keeps finding himself wondering if the other psychic kids Kaidou mentioned are real. They obviously aren't, Kaidou has proved himself to be the opposite of a reliable source, but the possibility sticks in Kusuo's mind regardless.

It would be nice to not be alone.

What a stupid thought. Even if the other psychics were real, they'd be nothing like him.

*
Shun is surprised when the esper actually shows up on Sunday evening. He was starting to wonder if they're meeting earlier that week had been nothing more than a strangely vivid dream.

Let's get this over with, the cat who is the esper says, like he wasn't the one who proposed this activity in the first place.

Shun nods and presents the esper with the books he picked out from his shelf after their meeting earlier that week.

The first book is a slim green volume titled Opening Your Third Eye. Shun had bought it with his own money years ago only to be sorely disappointed by the vagueness of the techniques contained within.

The esper takes one look at it and says Yup, that's a scam. The instructions are vague so you can't know if you're doing them right and the results are vague so you confirmation bias yourself into thinking that it's working.

"Do you know any reliable sources on how to become psychic?" Shun asked.

No. That's impossible.

"How did you get your powers then?" Shun asks, incredulous.

I don't know, the esper says, I've been like this since before I was born.

"What about the other espers, then?"

I don't see why they'd be any different.

"That's so unfair." Shun huffs, becoming even a little bit psychic would liven up his life considerably.

There's no need to be jealous, the esper says, Psychic powers suck.

"That's easy for you to say,"Shun says. The esper doesn't have to worry about test scores or strict parents, or what he's going to do after highschool. He can go where he pleases, and do as he pleases.

You're wrong. It's because of these powers that I can't live how I want, the esper says.

"What do you mean?" Shun asks. He can't imagine what sort of life would be beyond the esper's grasp.

A normal life as a normal person, completely unremarkable in every way. the esper says, almost wistful.

"Why would anyone want that?" Shun says. That sounds like exactly the sort of life he's desperate to avoid.

I knew you wouldn't understand, the esper says. Someone like you can take the joys of an ordinary life for granted.

Shun's not sure why, but it feels like he's done something wrong.

To break the ensuing awkward silence Shun presents his next book, a book of prophecies that the esper had allegedly revealed to the books author. They regard a series of increasingly dire events that will cause the total collapse of society and death of all but a tiny portion of humanity sometime in the next decade.

Shun has his doubts about this book's legitimacy especially since its descriptions of the esper don't match up with Shun's experiences at all but the main reason he picked it was because he'd rest easier if this was fully discredited.

The esper takes a look at it and says,Yeah, that book is garbage. I've never spoken to that woman in my life. It's probably just someone trying to use my reputation to start a cult, again.

His nonchalant tone makes it sound like this is a common occurance for him.

Don't worry about the end of the world, the esper continues. I'm not about to let something like that happen.

"Thanks," Shun says, reassured. He presents the next book confidently. This one is a gift from his mother called Swan Song: the findings, failures, and future of the Black Swan Project. It's an exposé penned by one of the scientists who worked on the Black Swan Project but had left when things went south. "Now I'm sure that this one is fake."

That one actually looks pretty legitimate, the esper says craning his neck curiously. I can't say for sure since you only skimmed it, but I worked with the author and I don't think she'd want her name on a book of lies.

That can't be right. Shun has no idea how to reconcile the cold, distant subject-Ψ described in the book with the one who'd fished him out of the ocean, nursed him back to health and brought him back home safely.

She saw a different side of me than you. That's all.

"But she didn't understand you at all."

So you're saying that you know me better from our handful of brief meetings then someone who was employed to study me for six months? Wow, you must be so observant, the esper says flatly, flicking his tail.

"Uh thanks?" Shun says, scratching his head bashfully.

That was sarcasm.

"If that book was real it definitely would have ripped into your awful personality more."

I kept that to myself back then, the esper says. I wasn't exactly eager to mouth off to the people with the authority to vivisect me.

"Wait, vivisection?" Shun asks. That's kind of fucked up.

It wasn't that bad. If they wanted to cut me open, they'd need to knock me out first and they could only do that sparingly, so they didn't run out of sedatives that worked on my stupid medical and scientific anomaly of a body. It builds up immunity so fast I'd sometimes wake up before they were done. It was really annoying.

That really doesn't make the situation sound less fucked up.

The esper is clearly quite agitated, ears turned backwards and tail twitching enough to work up a breeze. However no sooner has Shun taken notice of this then the esper turns his ears back to their forward-facing position and pins his tail to the floor with one paw. Don't waste your pity on me. he says glaring at Shun, They couldn't do anything to me without me letting them.

That makes sense Shun supposes. They certainly hadn't been able to do anything to stop the esper when he had decided to leave. Though that reminds him, there's something he wants to ask the esper.

"Hey, you know that kid you had with you when they tracked you down?" Shun says, "I heard that you kidnapped him and he only tried to defend you afterwards because you messed with his head to make him like you. That's a lie right?"

If I was someone who would do that do you really think I'd give you an honest answer? the esper replies.

"You don't seem like somebody who would do that." Shun says. The esper had brought him back home safe and sound after all, he reminds himself. "If you were, you wouldn't have let me go home. You'd have kept me around to be your plaything or something."

Maybe I just thought keeping you as a plaything would be more trouble than it's worth, the esper says.

Thinking about it that way Shun feels a bit insulted. Is he not good enough to kidnap?

You shouldn't want to be kidnapped, the esper says, unnervingly responding to Shun's unspoken thoughts.

"I don't," Shun says. Sure, he'd fantasized about the prospect from time to time though mostly as an ordeal that would replace his boring, everyday problems with cooler, more exciting problems, and that everyone would think he was cool and badass for overcoming rather than merely meeting the expectations they'd set for him. (He'd used to have a lot of fantasies like that, but they'd lost their luster after he'd almost died at sea.)

If the esper asked him to go with him now, then he'd come willingly, no questions asked.

Can I borrow this? the esper asks as an unseen force tugs gently at the copy of Swan Song in Shun's hands.

"Are you sure you want to?" Shun asks, "It's a pretty unflattering depiction."

That's fine, I don't want to be flattered, the esper says.

The unseen force gives the book another tug, harder this time and Shun almost goes flying off his bed as he tries to keep a hold on it.

I want to know what they're saying about what happened. I'll bring it back next week and tell you how much of it is true.

Shun lets go of the book and watches intently as it floats over to the esper who hops up onto it before both he and it disappear.

*
Predictably Kusuo does not find Swan Song a fun read.

The way the book describes him reminds him of how those working at the Black Swan Project had thought of him as some incomprehensible, alien creature, which hadn't been the only reason the six months he spent with them some of the worst in his life but had certainly been a major contributing factor.

It's strange. He almost wishes the author was angrier at him.

As it was, she was mostly disappointed the Black Swan Project hadn't taken more measures to keep him from reneging on his commitments to them. Of course, it had been a mistake to trust that he'd take his role seriously, she argued, after all what would an untouched creature like him know of humanity's struggles?

It's true, that humanity's struggles are an area that he rather severely lacks first-hand experience in, since he isn't human and his psychic powers make most, if not all, of his struggles trivially easy to overcome. However, when it comes to second-hand experience, he'd gotten more of that during his childhood than normal people get in lifetimes. His telepathy had always given him a clear view of the worries, fears and disappointments that ran through the minds of those around him that he'd had no way to close his eyes to. Sometimes when he could manage it covertly, he'd try to ease them, less out of any kindness of his heart and more because he'd wanted a relief from listening to their misery. Not to pretend this redeems him in the slightest. If anything, it just makes him an even worse person for abandoning his duties to them anyway.

Seeing himself cast as the villain has no right to bother him so much when he'd chosen that role for himself.

Still, if this reminder of his horrific selfishness bothers him so much then he should just come crawling back to the Black Swan Project and accept whatever consequences they've got waiting for him there. The book suggests these might include being implanted with subdermal bombs, a prospect he really isn't a fan of, so he reads on despite how awful it makes him feel.

Besides, he shouldn't want the Black Swan Project to understand him. If they did, then they'd just use that information to try and put a leash on him. Even if they knew he wasn't the heartless monster he'd let them believe he was, that wouldn't change the fact that he's too useful and far too dangerous for them to willingly let him be.