not an island

The students file into the airplane their university exams will be held in. Shun takes his seat at one of the many desks inside and does his best to stay calm as the proctor hands out the exams.

It'll be fine. He's studied his whole highschool career for this moment, he just needs to not trip in the home stretch, and he'll be golden.

The exam starts and Shun turns over his paper and begins reading the questions.

1. Why should anyone care that you exist?
2. What can you do that millions of others can't do far better?
3.  How do you plan to achieve your dreams while still living up to society's expectations for you?

Shun starts to sweat. He doesn't know how to answer any of these.

With a horrible screeching noise, the plane breaks in half and water begins to pour in.

The students scramble to leave the plane as it lists to one side, beginning to sink. They will have to complete the exam in the lifeboats instead.

Shun is almost out the door when his test paper slips out of his grip and he rushes to catch it, tumbling into the water.

Shun flails, desperately trying to reach the surface.

Failing.

This is a nightmare.

It really is. He's going to die here. And even if he doesn't he's going to bomb his university entrance exams.

No, I mean you're having a nightmare. Think about it, nothing about this situation makes sense.

That's true. University entrance exams are not generally held on sinking airplanes.

Someone grabs on to Shun's wrist and pulls him out of the water.

It's the esper. Not as a girl or a cat but as Shun has always imagined him.

It's then that Shun realizes that he's dreaming.

That's what I told you.

"Hey look at this!" Shun says to the esper, as he puts his hands in front of him and fires a beam of energy away across the waters.

The esper claps politely. Very nice. Could you wake up now?

"Come on, this dream's just getting fun!"

The esper lets out a sigh.

"I didn't want to do this," he says and Shun feels a sharp pricking on his chest.

He wakes up to see the cat who is the esper, sitting on his chest, staring down at him. Seeing that he's awake, the cat retracts his claws.

Wait, then that wasn't just a dream?

It wasn't, the esper says. I came to return your book and thought you'd probably want to pester me with questions about it.

"You're the one who came and woke me up in the middle of the night."

I can leave if you don't want to talk about it.

"I do want to talk," Shun groans, "Just give me a minute to wake up properly first."

Are nightmares like that a common problem for you? the esper asks.

It's not uncommon for him have dreams about drowning or failing his university entrance exams when he's stressed. Having one about both at once is somewhat rarer though.

However it's kind of embarrassing that the esper had to see that lame nightmare of his so he crosses his arms in front of him and says with all the confidence he can muster, "A nightmare? Ha, if only. That was mere child's play compared to some of the twisted visions my mind can create."

You know I can tell you're lying, right? the esper says, Anyway it's fine that your nightmares are nonsensical and kind of boring. Most people's dreams are like that.

"Can we talk about the book instead?" Shun says. This is admittedly not the most graceful segue, but it lets him escape this topic of conversation, which is a higher priority for him right now.

*

Kusuo is in fact, quite happy to talk about the book instead. That's what he came here for after all.

It doesn't go great.

Kusuo had intended to explain the hints to the books legitimacy that Kaidou had overlooked in his rush to disregard it.

Kaidou however is much more interested in trying to pry juicy secrets about the Black Swan Project out of Kusuo.

"You've got to know all sorts of cool stuff that isn't in the book." Kaidou says.

Nothing you'd be interested in, Kusuo says.

"Please, you've got to be such an interesting primary source." Kaidou says using the new descriptor Saiki taught him.

Swan Song is a primary source. The author literally worked as part of the Black Swan Project the entire time I was there.

"It's biased and can't tell me a lot of the things I want to know," Kaidou says, "Like why you stopped working with them."

I don't want to talk about it, Kusuo says.

I guess it must be a painful topic for him. That makes sense given the sort of stuff that they did to him. Kaidou thinks, I kind of feel like an asshole for asking now.

Good grief, he'd just been trying to shut down the topic of conversation but instead it seems that he's managed to trick Kaidou into regarding him with a pity that he neither wants nor deserves.

I left because I was bored there. That's all, he says. It's barely even a lie. That had been his initial reason for leaving.

He hadn't meant to permanently part ways with the Black Swan Project at first, but then they'd tried to back him into a corner in a desperate play to make him come back, which had scared him pissed him off so badly that he'd decided that he was through with letting them or anyone think that they could control him.

He should probably tell Kaidou about that, since Swan Song left out some rather crucial details on the topic, but that would require him to delve into a multitude of topics that are, in fact, too painful for him to discuss.

It would only incite more undeserved pity, anyway.

Kaidou isn't buying it so he adds, I've told you before. I'm not a good person.

"Why do you keep saying that? You helped wake me up from that nightmare earlier."

I didn't want to wait for you to be done. Kusuo says.

Telepathically witnessing other people's nightmares is never pleasant. Kusuke had been quite prone to quite nasty ones on the rare occasions that circumstances forced him to sleep around Kusuo. At least Kaidou's nightmare wasn't about Kusuo, so he could help calm it.

Even if I hadn't intervened you probably would have gone back to sleep and forgotten about it soon enough.

"Yeah, I'd be back to sleep in no time," Kaidou says, fidgeting. Apparently he's the sort who has a really hard time getting back to sleep after a nightmare because he's really worried about having more.

Kusuo feels awkward about unintentionally embarrassing Kaidou. So awkward in fact that he finds himself saying,I can make sure you don't have anymore nightmares tonight.

"Really?" Kaidou asks. He's seriously tempted by this offer. Apparently, he's got a history test tomorrow morning that he really should be well rested for.

Yes. Just go back to sleep and if you have a bad dream I'll do what I did earlier. Kusuo says, telling himself that he's just doing this to make sure Kaidou doesn't fail his history test because Kusuo came by to talk with him in the middle of the night.

"Sounds good." Kaidou says sleepily, after a moment's thought he adds, "You can sleep on my bed if you'd like."

I'd really rather not, Kusuo says. He can control his strength in his cat body almost as well as his human one by now but that's still not enough control for him to be comfortable sharing a bed with someone.

Instead he hops up onto Kaidou's desk chair and sits there, his paws folded beneath him as he listens to Kaidou drift into unconsciousness.

*

The esper is true to his word and Shun sleeps peacefully for the rest of the night.

Much to Shun's surprise, when he wakes up the esper is still there, still in cat form, sleeping on his desk chair.

Shun's fingers hover over the esper's ears as he considers petting him, before he remembers the esper isn't really a cat and is sometimes, in fact, a rather cute girl, which makes the prospect feel weird so he decides against it.

Sleeping like this, he looks so small, so strangely fragile and yawning gulf of difference between them seems a much more traversable thing.

Honestly, Shun can't see this small white cat who had stayed with him through the night as the cold, amoral creature described in Swan Song.

It's true that Shun hasn't known the esper for as long as those guys at the Black Swan Project did, or studied him as thoroughly but he has one qualification that they don't.

He's spent enough time putting on a front to get the feeling that the esper might be doing the same. That would go a ways towards explaining the disconnect between the esper's words and his actions.

Maybe it's just projection, though. In Shun's experience putting on a front is something you do to seem strong, and why would the esper need to seem any stronger than he really is?

Yeah. Shun's probably just projecting.